


Just One More Moment

by MacedonianMuse



Series: A World Full of Sins [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Flashbacks, Grieving, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Loss of loved one, Mass Effect 2 spoilers, Mass Effect Spoilers, POV Kaidan Alenko, References to Shepard (Mass Effect)'s Death, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-29 23:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14483349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacedonianMuse/pseuds/MacedonianMuse
Summary: Kaidan can't pull himself together after Shepard dies. She was everything to him and after all the years they had known each other, to finally have her, held her and love her only to lose her is more than he can bear.As he sinks deeper into his depression, his Mother's asks Sin, Kaidan's best friend, and Sinara's elder Brother, to come to their home and try to help him pick himself back up. But Kaidan isn't just mourning the woman he loves, he is also drowning in the guilt that he should have never left her behind and died right next to her.Includes art now too!!





	Just One More Moment

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is ME endgame and ME2 beginning, but if you're reading this, then it is likely you played the games and know what is happening anyway. While the main story introduces some new ideas into the ME universe, it still keeps the main theme of the games and plot as well, so nothing in this really spoils anything new introduced into the other story.

He blinked his eyes and tried to sit up, but his headache was screaming and his stomach was churning. All he could taste was whiskey and probably vomit since he knew last night, every night, he drank until he puked and passed out.

The Alliance had given him leave, given all of them leave, after the Normandy was destroyed, but it wasn't enough. As if it could ever be. He had stood before her, told her he wouldn't leave, told her he was staying, but when she ordered him to go and help the crew escaped, he had done as she asked and left her behind and to die.

He felt tears on his cheeks and pushed them away in anger. He should have stayed, should have told her no, but then who defied Sinara Shepard? He rolled over and grabbed the whiskey bottle as the tears fell once more. Why did he survive and she didn't he asked himself once more? She was everything and she was destined for so much more, God only knew what else she could accomplish based on what she had already done. This wasn't right, this was a nightmare and as he felt the slow burn of the whiskey against his slightly raw throat he knew the answer all along. It was real and she was still dead.

Rolling over and pulling on an old blue shirt, he sat up in his bed and picked up his favorite photo of them. It had been taken right after the battle of the Citadel. She had been mildly injured and Anderson had ordered her to the hospital. She had begged him to sneak her out, but Sin had told her if she used her wile ways on Kaidan and he did, both of them would answer to him and Sin was far scarier than even Anderson, so she had stayed put and he had stayed at her side. Finally, she had been released and Kaidan had carried her out, while her Mother snapped a photo. They both were smiling, she wore a huge grin and had one arm wrapped around his shoulder the other cupped his cheek and right when the picture snapped, she turned his face and kissed him. The look of shock had made her laugh and now he stared at it and felt his heart clench in pain. Turning, he looked at the picture on the wall. It had been prior to them openly admitting their feelings. Right after Virmire, while all were still in shock over the loss of Ash, they had received a lead from Anderson. On the Citadel there was a rumor that a high ranking and extremely wealthy Turian was supplying arms, credits and anything else needed for Saren. With the revoking of his Spectre status, he also lost much of his resources. They had been told that the Turian was throwing a party and anyone who was an elite figure was coming. So it wouldn't be a shock if the first human Spectre showed up. Anderson had told her to take Kaidan, pretend they were a couple, and see if they could find anything of value that might help them in their mission to stop Saren.

She had been lovely, he thought as he closed his eyes. Her dress had been a pale green that showed off her eyes perfectly, and also her body. It had a slit almost to her hip and covered in gold lace, the halter top showed off her generous breasts and he had had a hard time not ravishing her on sight. The party had been a bust for information, but for them, it had been everything. They had stood alone on a balcony and she had told him they were supposed to look like they were in love. Right then an Asari had appeared and asked them if they would like a picture together. They had agreed and after it had been taken, the Asari had forwarded it to their omni tool. After that, she had turned to face him and suddenly all the reasons for not telling her he felt what he had for her fell away and before she could say anything he had pulled her close and kissed her. Slowly, but passionately and when she moaned and whimpered into the kiss, her body softly being pulled tighter against him, well he had thought maybe the night had been a dream, but then she pulled back and smiled before she opened her turquoise eyes and simply told him, "More."

He turned back to the picture in his hands and felt more tears fall, "Sinara," he whispered her name, "God, I can't do this without you, I don't want to," and once more that nagging insane thought entered his mind and he thought about joining her once more and leaving this horrid world behind.

                                                                           

He heard his Mother outside the room, talking to someone. He hated that he was a burden on his family. They had endured much because of him. First losing him to BAaT, then losing him again in the following depression over what he had done there and then finally when he left home for a year, trying to make peace for the life he had taken in anger. He had thought about ending his life then, but luck had him blindly bumping into Sin once more and then everything had changed. Sin had already joined the Alliance, he was a charismatic man, with his looks, his brain, and his biotics, and right out of boot camp he had been asked to join an elite special division. He had encouraged Kaidan to join as well, seeing as Kaidan was now twenty-two and no idea what to do with his life. How ironic was that he now asked himself, that twice a Shepard had saved his life? Sin for convincing him to join the military and Sinara for making him evacuate. Of course, Sin was still here and Sinara was not. He hadn't spoken to him since her funeral, couldn't look him in the eye knowing that he lived while his Sister had died.

He laid back down on his bed when his door was thrown open and in walked Sin. Jumping up, ready to argue he was caught off guard with how weak his body was and fell back on the bed.

"Well aren't you in a sorry state," Sin stood by the bed and folded his arms over his chest, "Good thing Sinara can't see you like this, she  would bust your balls."

He felt anger course through him, how could Sin be so casual about his Sister was dead, "How, you, uh," he stuttered.

"Well, at least you can speak now to me," Sin narrowed his eyes, "Kaidan, you know I love you like a Brother and God knows for whatever reason Sinara loved you too, but she would be the first person to tell you to get your shit together."

"How can you act as if it's no big deal that she is dead-."

"Don't you dare, you spoiled little shit," Sin yelled, "I lost my baby Sister, but I didn't lose my Brother, that is if he could wake up for five fucking seconds and realize that he isn't the only one grieving and that his pain isn't worse then the rest of us who loved Sinara too. You think it is rough for you only? My Mother is a mess, Sinara was all she had after our Dad did what he did and took me away too. Yet, even so, she is back on duty and trying to do Sinara's memory proud, which is more than you are doing."

" I just," he paused and looked up at Sin, "I can't breathe when I think of her Sin, I feel like my heart is going to explode with pain, Sinara was, is, part of me, Sin, I can't-."

'Yes, you can, good God man what do you think she will think hearing how you are?" Sin's eyes went round, but he recovered quickly, yet not quick enough for Kaidan to catch the slip-up.

"When she hears it?" Kaidan jumped up and grabbed Sin's shirt, pulling him close, "Is she still alive? What the fuck is going on Sin?"

"Back off Bro," Sin pushed him back, "I meant it like that so you would see what you're doing to yourself and how she would feel. Could you imagine what she would think?"

"I don't buy it Sin, I know you too well, so spill it, is Sinara alive?" He felt on the verge of violence if she didn't die, why would she do this to him? Sin knew something and he was damn sure going to find out.

"Kaidan, cool it and listen to me carefully. I don't know anything, but I do know this, whether she is in the afterlife or wherever, if she could see you, if she knew what you were doing, well, she would hate knowing she caused this."

"I, uh, damn," he swore lightly. Sin was right, as always, Sinara was dead, and if there was a heaven, she would be there and would hate seeing him like this.

'Kaidan," Sin softened his voice, "I know you love her, just as I know she would want to do what is best in her memory and be the man she saw inside you, "Sin grabbed his shoulder and looked him in the eye, "She told me you inspired her to do better Kaidan, what you went through in BAaT, as an L2, all of it she loved and you don't want to let her down and not be that man still."

He gave him a small nod, "OK Sin, for her, I will go on."

Sin smiled and left him alone in his room once more. He turned to the photo on his bed and smiled, "For you Sinara, for you, I will be the man you gave your love too," and turning, he went into the restroom to shave. It wouldn't be easy, more likely impossible, but he would go back to the Alliance she loved and prove himself in her memory.

                                                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Year Later:

Sin took the shuttle mentioned in the data pad he found left in his room. Waiting was a man in a black and gray outfit who called himself Jacob, saying nothing he walked into the shuttle and they sat in silence as the made their way to an unknown location.

Finally arriving, he met with a very beautiful and very revealingly dressed young woman and was asked to follow her. As he followed he wondered exactly what all the cloak and dagger attitude was about, but the data pad said if he wanted to see the impossible concerning his Sister, to meet Jacob and tell no one.

"So what is this all about?" he asked.

"I am Miranda Lawson and what if I could tell you that we can bring Sinara back, but we would need your help to do so?"

"I would think you're crazy, gorgeous, but crazy," he chuckled.

"Then prepare yourself for Insanity Shepard," and she pointed to a window.

Sin walked to the window and looked down on a lab and saw a table with a woman hooked up to a bunch of medical machinery.

"I believe you know who she is Shepard, but if Sinara is to come back fully, we need your help."

"Anything," he whispered as he looked down again and pressed himself close to the window, "anything."                                            


End file.
